May 18, 1985
Saturday
Mark,
Hi. How are you? I'm not so good. Last night I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I don't know why I couldn't sleep. Maybe I was just worried about everything. I'm sorry for what happened last night. I feel awful about what happened. Please don't be mad at me. When I told Mr. Schlatter about about my parents it felt good to finally tell somebody. I kept it all bottled up inside of me and I was really hurting. So then I thought I could tell Mr. Schlatter everything. Then came ..., then ..., then you. Even now I really feel like there is no one to turn to. At the dance last night I really needed someone to talk to and there was no one. I'm not saying to spend all your time with me or anything. It's just that I want to be friends forever.
I want you to know something. I don't know if you already know this but I still like you and if I ever find a guy as special as you I will still like you even if I'm going with him. I know I've said this before but you can't say a good thing too many times. I just want to say that I will always remember you wherever I go and the special relationship we have and the even more special we almost had. Well, I guess this hasn't been the best or most inspiring letter I've ever written. I just felt I had to tell you. Well, I gotta go. I'll see you at 1:00 on the dot at the park. I love you (I mean that, I'm not sure what the word love means when I say it but I mean it whether it's friendship or really love I'm not sure but I really do mean it)
Love you always,
......
P.S. The song "The Search is Over" by Survivor is how I feel about you
P.S.S. Write back SOON!!!
P.S.S.S. I'm really sorry about last night. It's just I didn't think last night was the right time.
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I have no recollection at all about what happened "last night." Presumably I tried to kiss her. I don't remember any sort of romance between us at all. I don't even think back on her with romance or missed romantic opportunities at all. I just remember our great friendship. I remember being very close friends with her for awhile in the 8th grade. I would stop by her house in the morning and we would go to school together. I was the school's lunchtime DJ for awhile and I would play meaningful songs for her. I know we drifted apart. I guess because I wanted more than friendship, but I don't remember that. I don't think we ever spoke meaningfully after the 8th grade. My loss, I'm sure.
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