I'm sorry for what happened last night. (Part 2 of 2)

11:04 a.m. 42 sec
May 18, 1985
Saturday

Mark,

Hi. How are you? I'm not so good. Last night I got about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I don't know why I couldn't sleep. Maybe I was just worried about everything. I'm sorry for what happened last night. I feel awful about what happened. Please don't be mad at me. When I told Mr. Schlatter about about my parents it felt good to finally tell somebody. I kept it all bottled up inside of me and I was really hurting. So then I thought I could tell Mr. Schlatter everything. Then came ..., then ..., then you. Even now I really feel like there is no one to turn to. At the dance last night I really needed someone to talk to and there was no one. I'm not saying to spend all your time with me or anything. It's just that I want to be friends forever.

I want you to know something. I don't know if you already know this but I still like you and if I ever find a guy as special as you I will still like you even if I'm going with him. I know I've said this before but you can't say a good thing too many times. I just want to say that I will always remember you wherever I go and the special relationship we have and the even more special we almost had. Well, I guess this hasn't been the best or most inspiring letter I've ever written. I just felt I had to tell you. Well, I gotta go. I'll see you at 1:00 on the dot at the park. I love you (I mean that, I'm not sure what the word love means when I say it but I mean it whether it's friendship or really love I'm not sure but I really do mean it)

Love you always,
......

P.S. The song "The Search is Over" by Survivor is how I feel about you

P.S.S. Write back SOON!!!

P.S.S.S. I'm really sorry about last night. It's just I didn't think last night was the right time.

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I have no recollection at all about what happened "last night." Presumably I tried to kiss her. I don't remember any sort of romance between us at all. I don't even think back on her with romance or missed romantic opportunities at all. I just remember our great friendship. I remember being very close friends with her for awhile in the 8th grade. I would stop by her house in the morning and we would go to school together. I was the school's lunchtime DJ for awhile and I would play meaningful songs for her. I know we drifted apart. I guess because I wanted more than friendship, but I don't remember that. I don't think we ever spoke meaningfully after the 8th grade. My loss, I'm sure.

It's 11:32 p.m. April 29th and I can't sleep. (Part 1 of 2)

Mark,

It's 11:32 p.m. April 29th (1985) and I can't sleep. I've been thinking since 10:00 p.m. (the time I went to bed) about me, my friends, my family and who I want to go with my mom or my dad. At the moment I've decided on my dad but I would probably move out of California and leave everyone and everything I love here in Los Al.

Right now I'm real confused about myself and my mind is constantly thinking about something and I just don't know what to do anymore. At rehearsals last night (monday) I just sat in Mr. Schlatter's room, by myself for about 45 minutes and thought about what has happened to me in the past year. I came up with, that this is the best year I've ever had. My grades are higher than ever, I was a part in "Our Town" which really meant a lot to me because I met a lot of new friends like ... and ... and brought me closer to my old ones like ... and you especially. Before the play you were just another guy. But now I feel closer than ever to you and I've never had a friend like you before. I feel like I can tell you everything like when I need someone to talk to your always there and that means a lot to me. When my dad moved out you were the only one who was really there. Also you can always tell the way I'm feeling like last night I was mad and depressed because I felt like so bad at what I was doing to my friends so I was mad at myself and I was depressed because I haven't seen my dad for over a week now and I really miss him. I will always know if I ever need anyone to turn to you'll always be there and I'll do the same for you! Your real special and I will always remember my years at Oak. Thanx for everything. i want you to know I will never forget you. I love you!

Frienz Alwaiz,
.......

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Yeah, this note seems a bit personal, so I've redacted her name (and her friends' names). I know there is almost no chance she or her family will stumble upon this silly little blog, but I don't want to upset anyone. This is the first time in this project where I felt the need to censor anything. I hope it doesn't happen to often. I've got one more note from the same author.